I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
