I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
