Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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