Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
