his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
