she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
