haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
