I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
