This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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