I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
