I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
