white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Less talking, more tequila
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
