20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
