Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
