I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sarcasm needs its own font
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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