My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
