All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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