Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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