Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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