I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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