After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
