highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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