You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
