so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
