I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
