i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
