Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
