i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
