I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
