The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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