your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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