For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
