I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
