my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You can't just leave with hair like that
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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