Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
