i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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