oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
