i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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