I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
