Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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