she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
