You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
