as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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