Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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