You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
