If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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