I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
