How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
