I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
