this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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