i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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