I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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