Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
